my first blog post was about gifts i got from somebody that today i'm trying very hard to forget.
now i'm writing in the dark thinking about all the stuff that happened this year...
definitely one of the hardest and most challenging ones i've ever had.
i had good money, then unemployed, in a relationship, artistically confused and second-guessing every decision i was making towards my future.
every single one of those things changed.
now i have multiple jobs, single again, very certain of my artistic identity and i no longer worry about my future... ok this last one might not be entirely true but i do feel safer about tomorrow.
my birthday is coming up and i can't help but fantasize what i'm doing to celebrate another year of life.
another year of living day by day fighting my worst nightmares and trying hard not to let go of my integrity and values to chase the dopamine rush of immediate decisions that will leave me in a ruin later.
another year that love was almost the death of me yet i'd do anything to feel it again. another year that i understand the importance of dealing with my traumas and learning how to enjoy my own company.
another year i learned not to expect constant serotonin from someone else because at the end of the day they will always get up and decide you're no longer their priority.
another year feeling overstimulated, misunderstood, unheard, appreciated, forgotten, remembered, needed, loved and gave up on.
what a crazy journey is to live... so many chapters keep coming and everyday i have a different idea that could potentially change my life.
so today's update is : i am still me and it's been fucking crazy.
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